WordSleuth is justifiably proud of the many years he spent pumping out great material for big names like Jay Leno, Chevy Chase and Joan Rivers. But he's equally proud of the twenty-nine years he's spent writing about technical and business topics, too.

Okay, so you've written for some big names. What can  you do for my company? 

Plenty. WordSleuth possesses the rare ability to look at a project with x-ray vision. As legendary architect, Mies Van der Roehe said: "God is in the details." I'd add that selling to your customer is also about details. When you're armed with details, finding and selling to your target becomes much easier. And much, much more effective. I can take the most Sahara-like topic and write about it so your customer's only option is to buy from you. I'll stun your customers with the plentiful benefits your product or service offers them. My writing will deliver them panting to your front door, cash in hand.

The thing is this, I investigate more thoroughly, research and gather more crucial information, and  write more effectively than any $150.00 an hour copyman you'll find. I unconditionally guarantee your satisfaction with my copy. Unlike other writers, I talk the talk, and walk the walk. 

Literary/Journalistic Vein

• Los Angeles Times
  (columnist) Big time rag
   
• San Francisco Chronicle
  (columnist) Moderately big time rag
   
• The Event Magazine
  (columnist) Small time rag
   
• Utah Business Magazine
  (columnist) How-to writing columns for business
   
• Mavety Media Group, Ltd.
  (worldwide magazine group) More than fifty magazine articles appearing in publications worldwide. My fifth grade teacher said all I’d ever be was a garbage truck driver, hah!

Funny Vein

• The Chevy Chase Show
  (television comedy)  Thankfully, I didn't write enough material to be even a teensy part of why that show was so gawd awful. At least it wasn't nearly as bad as Magic's show.
   
• Gag Rag
  (radio/television personality humor resource) No feeling in the world like driving cross-country and hearing your material mutilated by no-talent radio jocks in 21 states.
   
• The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (television and standup comedy) Just some guy I helped put on the throne of late night television.
   
• Miss Joan Rivers
  (television and standup comedy) Can we talk? Once took me six months to get thirty bucks out of her. Seriously, she's a doll.
   
• Late Show with David Letterman (television comedy) They picked over my material several times. But it turns out Dave thinks seeing if pork products sink or float is high camp. No wonder he had a heart attack.
   
• Night Shift with Kevin Ferguson
  (television comedy/variety show) Too nice a guy to last in shoo bidness. Wonder what ever happened to him?

Stuffed Shirt Disclaimer 

To those who would say a copywriter should have a more business-like web site, I say: Pluuutthhhssssss!!! (Bronx raspberry here.) 

Remember this: "Watching your ad bore your customers to tears is easy, bringing them in with wit and humor is hard, very hard." 

But, hey, if you really have an uncontrollable hankering for boring copywriting sites, head on over to ListlessCopy.com and don't forget the always popular TediousWriting.com.

WordSleuth's Cases are divided into four parts:

• Corporate Vein
• Literary/Journalistic Vein
• Funny Vein
• Web Vein

(Couple thousand more veins and we'll have a complete vascular system. Go ahead, look it up in Gray's Anatomy, I'll wait....)

Corporate Vein

• American Plasma Management (plasmapheresis/blood products) Heaven forbid you ever need plasma in your life, because it likely came from a donor who hasn't been sober since JFK was bouncing Marilyn Monroe on his knee.
   
• Ford Motor Company
  (consumer appeals board) Won the client a brand spanking new car. The down shot is now the Ford family won't take my phone calls.
   
• First Aid Consultants
  (national first aid training company) Only thing more scary than how much saliva's in a human being is how much is sloshing around in a Resusci-Annie training dummy.
   
• Irrigation Retention Systems, I.R.S. (medical products) This was a very taxing assignment. Seriously, this medical device helps save the sight of folks with traumatic eye injuries.
   
• Lightning Document Productions (medical/pyschiatric transcription) It's not polite to make fun of crazy people. (So what you laughing at?)
   
• Millennial Press
  (book publishing) Copy for self-help books on marriage and relationships. My sixth wife said I was ideally suited for this type of work.
   
• Savage Brothers/Tri-S Ready Mix (cement and building products) Only thing sexy about cement is them handsome, cultured fellas who drive the trucks.
   
• United States Postal Service
  (merit systems protection board) My writing saved another good man from "going postal."
   
• University of Utah School of Medicine (promotional products) Skeleton T-shirts inscribed with "Bone, James Bone" and more.
   
• United States Army Special Forces (medical training materials) And yes, Pilgrim, they do all walk and talk like John Wayne.
   
• Utah American Steel
  (structural steel products) Insert your favorite Bruce Springsteen/steel town joke here.
   
• Veteran's Administration Hospital Animal Research Facility
  (snake venom research) You haven't lived 'til 15 feet of irate King Cobra backs you into a corner during an interview.
   
• Veteran's Administration Hospital (nuclear medicine) Patients fall down, make big boom! (Okay, admittedly not a great line. (So let's hear yours.)

Web Vein

• eFuse.com
  (columnist) A free resource from the folks who make NetObjects Fusion web site development software. Check NOF out at:  www.NetObjects.com. eFuse caters to web developers of all skill levels. You will love this site: www.eFuse.com.
   
• dotSHOP/EMUmail
  (universal email program) Web-based program that allows email retrieval from anywhere in the World. Can't think of anything cute to say. The product works great. Click on over to: http://www.emumail.com