Okay, WordSleuth, convince me you’re a stellar copywriter.

I’d be happy to, friend. For starters, how about twenty-seven years of professional writing experience in a wide variety of fields? Not to mention the many dozens of happy clients who have benefitted from my results-producing, revenue-generating copy.

What's your educational background?

I studied Journalism and Communication at the University of Utah, and later graduated summa cum laude in Communication at prestigious Westminster College. My extensive background in medicine, industry, and both high and low tech, means there's a really good chance I already have considerable experience in your field.

What's your creative background?

Consider this: How many writers are you aware of who've consistently sold to the world's top comedians and dozens of the largest circulation magazines on the face of the Earth? A few, maybe, right? Ok, now find the writer who can do that and write convincing, creative marketing communications. Field's thinning out, isn't it? Then add the requirement this writer also easily absorb complicated technical subjects, and then write blue ribbon, benefits-based copy. Now we're treading in endangered species territory. And if you are lucky enough to actually find one of us, odds are we're going to be so busy our schedules are booked out months in advance.

See why you'd better get on the horn and let me schedule your next project right now?

What specific fields do you have experience in?

WordSleuth is a very well rounded generalist. Which is to say I know quite a bit about quite a lot. This may sound arrogant to some folks. But my resume and experience back up the claim.

Here's a quick, but certainly not complete, rundown of fields familiar to WordSleuth: medicine, automotive, electronics, computers, building products, manufacturing, legal, financial, aviation, speechwriting, radio, television. Add this to gobs of  magazine, newspaper, and humor experience.

I devour all things high or low-tech. Master Copywriter David Ogilvy said a good copywriter should have a "well-furnished mind." I'd add that the copywriter's well-furnished mind should also be constantly updated. It's imperative that a copywriter stays current with technology, science, and industry. WordSleuth does this religiously. My yearly tab for subscriptions to trades, journals, quarterlies, and just plain magazines is enough to pay off all the dolts who voted for Bush.

Put simply, WordSleuth has yet to run into a technical/scientific/creative situation he couldn't immerse himself in and pop up swimming like Johnny Weissmuller. (He was the original Tarzan, for you youngsters out there.)

How much money do you need to start my job?

Exact terms are 50% upon beginning a project and 50% upon submission of final draft. Like I mention in detail on the Hiring the Sleuth page: you tell me what you need written, I quote you a price based on my fee schedule and your project's complexity. Then we get started. Don't forget, you have a full thirty (30) days after final draft submission to have me tweak whatever you deem necessary.

What if the project's not coming along like I'd expected?

We put the skids on. Then you tell me what, specifically, is stuck in your craw. If I can't fix it, (almost never the case) and you're still less than happy, we negotiate a kill fee and part ways. No acrimony, no hard feelings. Most important, you still have the money in your wallet to go hire someone else. And I'll work hard to help you find the right person.

How do I go about ordering copy from you?

Putting me to work for you is as simple  as dialing: 801-484-4700. Or click here and send me a quick email. Tell me about the product or service you're selling. Then tell me who's going to buy it. Send me any brochures, reports, research, or papers generated about your product or service. Then leave the rest to me. Once you give me the green light, I'll begin preparing your project. The copy will arrive on your desk on or before your deadline. And remember, your satisfaction is guaranteed.

Many companies and individuals have found my copy just the ticket for increasing sales and exposure. Let me handle your next copywriting assignment. I know you'll be happy with the results, I guarantee it.

Why's it so damn hard to find someone who can do this job?

Will you come to my office?

Only rarely will I do a face-to-face. Let me tell you  why. The folks who demand this are usually only interested in two things: picking my brain and wasting my time. This is bad news for WordSleuth, as you can probably guess. I'm far too busy with other projects to come running  to someone's office at the drop of their derby. This may sound abrupt, but you wouldn't believe what some people expect for free.

Caveat Uno: If you do have a project that demands my presence, we can definitely arrange it. It'll require you pay for travel, sustenance (vittles, for those of you south of the Mason-Dixon line), lodging, and my fees, in advance.

See why it's better for you if we work electronically?

Our firm never pays a cent until a project's done and we're completely happy.

Does your favorite four-star restaurant let you enjoy a seven course feast, go home, think about it, then pay? WordSleuth didn't think so. Don't expect a four-star writer to do it either.

How long will it take to complete my writing project?

Ideally I like to have four to six weeks to complete your project. This gives me ample time to polish my prose until it positively glistens. And when my writing shines, so will your pocketbook. Shine with all the coin you've stuffed there from new sales.